... just a little lie

if you have to lie to make me feel better... your just making it worse
if you have to lie to keep me safe... your just weakening me
if you have to lie because you are afraid of losing me.. you already lost me

¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ Melody : Fix You

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
--Coldplay - Fix You

... and yes i'm a glee fan get over it!

111 days 11 hours 11 minutes 11 seconds

"If I can't have what I want i'll take what I need."

I'm sure everything happens for a reason.
The way we co-op with the fact is up to us.
Anything could happen A. Dreamer

Remorseless

Se lo avessi fatto avrei potuto avere dei rimpianti
Se NON lo avessi fatto avrei SICURAMENTE avuto dei rimpianti

"There is a voice that can tell us who is friend and who is foe.
But too often we become distracted by fear, doubt and we refuse to listen."

Ninja was her name

I was 12 years old when I first saw one. To my eyes it was everything… not an object not a thing… but EVERYTHING I would ever want. Ever since I heard a lot of good and bad things about it… but no matter how dangerous or how hard it was all I knew is that I wanted it so badly that one day no matter the difficulties I will have one of my own.

The years pass by and my dream were fading, what once was a well-designed plan turned out to be a forsaken dream. Yet every now and then I would see one on the road and thought… where am I going… I had so many plans and the path I’m walking on is so far away from that little kid’s vision… Nothing of what I have planned became reality they are just dreams that will never become reality… Everything went on like this for a very long time until I could not make any difference between forgotten dreams and bad reality. Everything had the same taste and same smell…

All of this until a few days ago… I don’t know if I was afraid of having one of my dreams become reality or the fact that I foresee the dangers my choice would bring me in the future… but today 2 days after the taste the happiness and the conviction that I’m on the right road are back growing within me…

A Dreamer's Dream

"I choose to believe!"

Maybe one of 7 just became reality.

*-*

"Ti sto cercando e non smettero' di cercarti finche' non ti avro' fra le mie braccia."

-- A. Dreamer

Awww

6 + 1 Dreams

- G********* -
- 6 P*** -
- BRZ -
- Ninja -
- Good Job -
- Happiness -

- E********* H******** -

A. Dreamer's Dreams

As I Began to Love Myself

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is AUTHENTICITY.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody as I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it RESPECT.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it MATURITY.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment, so I could be calm. Today I call it SELF-CONFIDENCE.

As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it SIMPLICITY.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is LOVE OF ONESELF.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is MODESTY.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it FULFILLMENT.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection WISDOM OF THE HEART.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know THAT IS LIFE!

-- Charlie Chaplin on his 70th birthday

Dear Me

Loneliness

"I am not lacking friends
I just surround myself with people that would do anything for me."

¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ Melody : Lady Barcollando

Passa Lady barcollando
nella nebbia del mattino
ha puntato col suo dito
ogni uomo ogni destino
c'è chi è lì senza scarpe
e chiede la carità
lei cede i suoi diritti
ai commercianti di pietà
scusa hai visto per caso passare la vita
e chi la sta portando via
chi ci riempie la testa di marmellata
e si nasconde dietro il così sia
scusa hai visto passare Lady barcollando
aveva delle cose mie
ha venduto pezzi per ogni governo
ed ora compra anche le fantasie
Le puttane di regime
preferiscono i rossetti
coccodrilli e tacchi a spillo
finte lacrime a cubetti
sanno bene mentire
le loro banalità
mentre Lady barcollando
distribuisce civiltà
Civiltà fatta di menzogne
di eserciti, di carogne
preistoria degli equilibristi
decalogo degli analisti
in riunione a deliberare
chi si è buttato, chi è da buttare
e tutti insieme stanno già aspettando
un aiuto da Lady barcollando!
Stiamo in guardia come lupi
stiamo pronti ad azzannare
chi ci vuole programmare
per produrre e consumare
siamo guardie e vedette tra paesi e città
perché Lady barcollando
sta svendendo la realtà
Civiltà fatta di menzogne
di eserciti, di carogne
preistoria degli equilibristi
decalogo degli analisti
in riunione a deliberare
chi si è buttato, chi è da buttare
e tutti insieme stanno già aspettando
un aiuto da Lady barcollando!
scusa hai visto per caso passare la vita
e chi la sta portando via
chi ci riempie la testa di marmellata
e si nasconde dietro il così sia
scusa hai visto passare Lady barcollando
aveva delle cose mie
ha venduto pezzi per ogni governo
ed ora compra anche le fantasie

--Lady Barcollando - Cristiano De Andrè

Stare Into The Abyss

If this was the last day of your life...
would u have done the same things you did today?

Just me myself and I

I wish I could but I should...

The Only One

"Sensitive, kind, nice, loving, has a beautiful smile and her voice could resurrect anything. She has the power to turn absolute darkness in a hot and happy day. Her lips have the color of strawberry and I wish I could taste them for the rest of my life."

--A. Dreamer

It feels really nice when someone tells you: "Your words touched me"

¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ Melody : Torn

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldnt be that man I adored
You don't seem to know, don't seem to care what your heart is for
But I don't know him anymore
There's nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That's what's going on, nothings fine Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn

So I guess the fortune tellers right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and now
I don't care, I have no luck, I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things that I can't touch, Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn. torn.

There's nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
That's what's going on, nothings right, Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and Im ashamed bound and broken on the floor
Youre a little late, Im already torn

--Natalie Imbruglia - Torn

Had an Awesome Day

Finally I had one awesome day! Everything seemed to fit perfectly. I cheer to 100.000 of these days. Hope you had an awesome day yourself. Otherwise look forward into making tomorrow an awesome day.

Quotes *

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.

--Audrey Hepburn

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

--Judy Garland


Since my weekend was a bit busy I didn't have much time to dedicate to the blog. I will find time soon enough!

The Longest Journey

I felt like Anouk in the movie Chocolat. My mother was bound to change places every time the wind of the North came to town and I had to change with her. She is my fortress and my deepest weakness.

Change is not easy, most of the time it requires will and a lot of hard work. People you knew and trust are no longer near you. It's only my mother, me and my destiny.

With these changes comes a deep sense of loneliness and today was no different from the past days. Discomfort was a constant feeling and my thoughts were clouded by the pain brought by solitude.

I went for a walk around the lake thinking that everyone has been in this situation at least once in their life. I was counting the things that I had and lost until I just raised my head to gaze at the sky and in a moment... Everything was clear.

When did hard work ever stopped me from being happy? Every star in the sky was a metaphor for another place to see and visit... Life is nothing if not a journey.

I had to hold on to that feeling.

--A. Dreamer

Seeking My...

if i was perfect why would i choose you?
and if you were perfect why would u choose me?

I choose you because you are the thing that makes me perfect.

hei you!

*

  I don't think you're fucked up
  I think you feel that way, but you have one of the nicest, sincerest and purest hearts
  A lot of people miss out on real feelings of love by replacing them with things
  Please don't ever think you ability to love so strongly is a character flaw

--Jay V.

Saturday Night Thoughts

       Time ago I was watching Numb3rs and I was impressed by what Charlie (the main actor) said. "These are the most productive years of my life. And what have I done with them? " Well I ask myself the same question and I can’t come up with a good answer. I see and saw myself as the guy that has to prove everyone that they are wrong.

       Starting off saying that you have to prove something, puts yourself in a weak spot… Lebron James in this year’s speech after winning the title said: " I was wrong last year, I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. I know who I am and I just have to play with that confidence". He could have said... you are all a bunch of idiots, I was right and I won the title, instead he acknowledged the fact that he was wrong in the past and that he had the guts to move on after last year’s loss.

       Bottom line is that I have been pressuring myself for results for… all my life now. I am confident that what I do is most of the times right and if results don’t come I have to try again: harder and better. I know that they are all wrong, they don’t know my heart.

       Don’t have a good job / Don’t like your job? Keep on seeking until you find the one you like
Don’t have a girlfriend / Don’t like your girlfriend? Keep on seeking until you find the one you like

       There is no man alive that has never fallen. The only difference is that some get up and some don’t. You only fail when you stop trying. Keep on doing what you’re doing and do it better. If the plan is not perfect, rethink it faithfully that there is a good answer to your questions.

--A. Dreamer

p.s. When life gives you lemons… make lemonade

¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ Melody : La Fine

It's not yet Monday but I had to share this awesome song.
I should have highlighted the whole song. His words are my thoughts...

Chiedo scusa a chi ho tradito,
e affanculo ogni nemico
Che io vinca o che io perda
è sempre la stessa merda

E non importa quanta gente ho visto, quanta ne ho conosciuta
Questa vita ha conquistato me e io l'ho conquistata
'Questa vita' ha detto mia madre 'figlio mio va vissuta,
Questa vita non guarda in faccia
e in faccia al massimo sputa'

Io mi pulisco e basta con la manica della mia giacca
E quando qualcuno ti schiaccia
devi essere il primo che attacca.
Non ce l'ho mai fatta, ho sempre incassato,
E sempre incazzato, fino a perdere il fiato

Arriverà la fine, ma non sarà la fine
E come ogni volta ad aspettare e fare mille file
Con il tuo numero in mano
e su di te un primo piano
Come un bel film che purtroppo non guarderà nessuno.

Io non lo so chi sono e mi spaventa scoprirlo,
Guardo il mio volto allo specchio
ma non saprei disegnarlo
Come ti parlo, parlo da sempre della mia stessa vita,
Non posso rifarlo e raccontarlo è una gran fatica.

Vorrei che fosse oggi, in un attimo già domani
Per reiniziare, per stravolgere tutti i miei piani,
Perchè sarà migliore e io sarò migliore
Come un bel film che lascia tutti senza parole.

Vorrei che fosse oggi, in un attimo già domani
Per reiniziare, per stravolgere tutti i miei piani,
Perchè sarà migliore e io sarò migliore
Come un bel film che lascia tutti senza parole.

Non mi sembra vero e non lo è mai sembrato
Facile, dolce perchè amaro come il passato
Tutto questo mi ha cambiato
E mi son fatto rubare forse gli anni migliori
Dalle mie paranoie e dai mille errori
Sono strano lo ammetto, e conto più di un difetto
Ma qualcuno lassù mi ha guardato e mi ha detto:
'Io ti salvo stavolta, come l'ultima volta'.

Quante ne vorrei fare ma poi rimango fermo,
Guardo la vita in foto e già è arrivato un altro inverno,
Non cambio mai su questo mai, distruggo tutto sempre,
Se vi ho deluso chieder scusa non servirà a niente.

Vorrei che fosse oggi, in un attimo già domani
Per reiniziare, per stravolgere tutti i miei piani,
Perchè sarà migliore e io sarò migliore
Come un bel film che lascia tutti senza parole.

Vorrei che fosse oggi, in un attimo già domani
Per reiniziare, per stravolgere tutti i miei piani,
Perchè sarà migliore e io sarò migliore
Come un bel film che lascia tutti senza parole

...in un attimo già domani
Per reiniziare, per stravolgere tutti i miei piani,
Perchè sarà migliore e io sarò migliore
Come un bel film che lascia tutti senza parole.

--Tiziano Ferro - La Fine

The F*cked-up Prince [ Chapter 3 ]

       I am not sure how all of this started, most likely with a joke or a laugh. What I do remember thou is her name, her face and her embarrassment all because of me.

       She was Gabriela, black mossy hair dark eyes and skin white like milk. I have this picture of her in my mind: she was sitting at her desk, first row on the left just one step away from the teaching post. Her big eyes gazing at me in distress. She didn’t say anything but she didn’t have to. Her steady lips would never tell that her soul was weeping.

       There were more than forty people in that classroom and none of them said a word.

       I was young and immature before that I had never been hurt. I didn’t know what it felt to have your heart shattered in thousands of pieces.

       Like my mother used to say: people are afraid that someone might do to them what they do to others. A critic is afraid of being criticized, a thief is afraid of being robbed and for a more plastic example: a lover is very much afraid of being loved. Now all I am afraid of is having my heart broken in pieces.

       Little I knew about love back then and little I know even now. A friend told me that she was in love with me. And instead of being happy and nice to her … I just used it to my advantage asking her favours and when she denied my requests I just told her in front of everyone that I don’t love her and that I would never love her.

... to be continued

"Chapter 3 - How to Lift a Curse" ( part 1 )
--A. Dreamer

¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ Melody : Welcome to My world

I've chosen a pretty awkward song for a blog that should tell about love and happy endings. Today I had a pretty hard day and this is the only song that could describe my inner-state right now. I'll try to find time to write another Chapter of my book.
Wish you all a very good week.

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

--Welcome to my Life - Simple Plan

¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ Melody : Love Story

I know.. This is totally a girly song and...
Wait I dont have to explain anything to anyone in here. I really love this song. I used to listen to it every day. Hope you enjoy it.

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony in summer air

See the lights
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go, and I said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while

'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go and I said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes
Oh oh

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said

Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said, marry me Juliet
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes

Oh, oh, oh, oh
'Cause we were both young when I first saw you

--Love Story - Taylor Swift

Things That Hurt The Most

How not to write a goodbye letter.
This is a letter to my ex girlfriend... I am afraid, everything about her hurts so much. The week after we broke up I was catatonic and it took me 5 entire seasons of Bing Bang Theory to get over it... And still here I am one month after, the hurt is as real as the first day.
I thought that writing the letter on my blog would help...

Hello Elle,

       I thought for so long if I should or shouldn’t replay to your messages. Even now that I am writing I don’t know if I will ever send you this letter. Every time I read one of your messages my emotions burst into a mixture of sadness and happiness.

       As I write this letter I realize that I can’t express myself the way I would like to. Nourishing sentiments for someone makes it really hard to write something from the heart so I will stop analysing me, you or our relation.

       But if I were to analyse without emotions I would circle out all the words that have sexual reference and I would understand that this is not a love letter nor a good bye letter… it’s just an acknowledgement of the fact that I miss our 'sexual life'. I miss the days when you used to do anything for me… Why did you refuse to do the thing I needed the most?! Why didn’t you not trust me boundlessly?

       If you’re wondering why I didn’t replay to any of your messages…
       Well, You have no idea how much I wanted to replay… But every time I ended up thinking that: I showed you my best part, I tried my best in everything while I was with you… and still it was not enough. Every time I think of you it reminds me that I was not enough for you. How could I ever speak to you again? I can’t…
       So you might be asking … ‘Why are you writing now?’ The answer is that no matter how hurt I am I can’t stop thinking of you… Every single day I see your smile… I see your wavy hair… I hear your cheering voice… I remember everything.
       I want to forget everything and you have to help me…

       All I ask of you is to forget about me and set me free… be happy with someone else and let me be happy. Please don't replay to this message and don't write me again.

       Tell Doraemon we don’t need his cap anymore.

- A. Dreamer

For not wanting to write about our relation i sure used 'you' 'I' and 'us' a lot of times.
You : 24
I : 39
Us : 2 (?)

The whole purpose was to write something that would help me get over it... and I feel a bit of relief.

Little *

If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.

--Oscar Wilde

Thoughts x2

let me hurt you so i wont
jump off a cliff so i'll catch you
love me so i can love you back

~ o ~

tell me that this is just a dream
and tomorrow u will sill be here..
say it...even if its a lie

--A. Dreamer

Spread Your Wings And Fly Now

Ill probably come back on this but for now i just wanted to say that:

I feel light as a feather and i have to thanks only one girl for that

The F*cked-up Prince [ Chapter 2 ]

       When something bad happens we despair, we lose confidence in our beliefs. And the question is always the same… Why me?
       All we do in our lives is linger between happiness and sadness; joy and anguish; war and love

• Rivalry against our brothers and sisters
• Rivalry towards different beliefs
• Rivalry against people living in other regions

       The only place where we can feel safe is: cuddled in the arms of our loved ones. What if those hands are not there to catch you when you are falling? When I speak to a girl everything I ever do seems to have no value at all. They receive gifts and compliments as if it was nothing special, taking everything for granted. They behave like if you were yet another number in line and that if you don’t like it someone else is ready to take your place. That feeling alone devours me from within. How can you love someone boundlessly when you have this ... creature deep inside you? I could not find one single girl that would fight for me, for us, just to be by my side.
       I blame all this on guys that only want to use girl and dispose them afterwards. They speak nicely and behave just because they know what they want and they know they don’t have to keep the act for a long time because once they have what they want there is no reason for them to continue... so they just move on to another girl. And all that's left is: Just another girl with a broken heart that is too frightened to love again.

       I hope I will never be too hurt to love because that day will be the saddest day of my life.

"Chapter 2 - Why Me?"
--A. Dreamer

Love You

       Probably i'm one of those persons that sees the glass half full when it comes to romance but this morning something strange was in my plate.

       And probably i'm going crazy after the recent events. At least i still have my dreamy vision. Have a nice day and a healthy breakfast.

--A. Dreamer

¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ Melody : The Show

       Sometimes life hits you so hard that you lose all words. So you let others sing your feelings for you.

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone
I've tried and I don't know why

Slow it down, make it stop or else my heart is going to pop
'Cause it's too much, yeah it's a lot to be something I'm not
I'm a fool out of love 'cause I just can't get enough

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone
I've tried and I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down
I know I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show

The sun is hot in the sky just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the signs and synchronize in time
It's a joke nobody knows, they've got a ticket to the show

Yeah, I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone
I've tried and I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down
I know I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show
Just enjoy the show

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone
I've tried and I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down
I know I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show
Just enjoy the show, just enjoy the show

I want my money back, I want my money back
I want my money back, just enjoy the show
I want my money back, I want my money back
I want my money back, just enjoy the show

--Lenka - The Show

The F*cked-up Prince [ Chapter 1 ]

       In every universe, in every country, in every city, in every school there is a shy guy who secretly loves a girl but never expresses his feelings to her. I was that guy and of course my girl was the most beautiful of them all. Long dark red hair falling on her awesome white shoulders, the smile that could charm any living thing, dressing classy but not unreachable. In one word: my dream. The best thing was that I was her best friend. Thinking twice I am not so sure if that was the best or worst thing but I totally agree with the quote “It's better to have loved and hurt... than never having loved at all”.

       We were in the same classroom and now after years I understand why my final vote was only 63 out 100. I used to spend all my days gazing at her beauty in silence. I could not care less about studies; I thought school would last forever. Most days we would both wait for the bus to take us home, I had plenty of opportunities to tell her what my heart was screaming. The bus stop was usually crowded with girls and boys that couldn’t wait to hop on the bus and run away from that little ‘’inferno’’. For me it was quite the opposite every time the bus came I knew that I had to wait at least 18 more hours to see my angel again. One day of autumn we both took the same bus and with us there were 3 of our friends. Every time I was near her there was a vortex of mixed happiness and embracement within me. I was sitting near the window admiring the beauty nature had to offer in that particular time of the year. Leaves were falling from the trees, a small wind going through my hair and the feeling of static energy anticipating the rain. The only thing bothering me was a wasp that kept going around. I tried to shoo her off without any success. Finally I found something that I could use to hit her in order to secure my spot on the bus without any more hostilities. After a while she stopped fling and took a break just in range for me to hit her. Up until today I am not sure if I ever hit the poor thing but what I am sure of is: in my hand I was holding a glass breaking emergency hammer and that the glass where the wasp was resting a few seconds ago was now shattered in front of me. The embracement I felt that day is hard to describe not only I was in a bus full of people but among them there she was: incredulous watching what I just did. The thought of that shattered glass would haunt me for eternity. Only after years I got over it and even laughed with the 3 friends that were on the bus with me.
       … and what a fucked-up prince I was that day.

"Chapter 1 - Tales of the Past"
--A. Dreamer

The F*cked-up Prince [ Prologue ]

       This is the story of a boy who is lonely and afraid. This is a real story… My story… While writing these lines I know nothing of my beloved, and I know nothing about this book except for its title: The Fucked-up Prince. Hoping that by the time I finish writing this book I will find what many define as: True Love. And while seeking my True Love I wish to revive or enhance the Romeo or Juliet that lies within you: the little boy or girl who gazed at the stars reaching out for a glimpse of their own True Love. Everyone needs and deserves to be loved.

       I know nothing about you and most likely you know nothing about me, yet here I am telling you about my troubles, my failures and hopefully what is going to be my happy ending. As for now I am a 26 year old guy stuck in-between a boy and a man. I am a dreamer and as one I love to think that everyone is moved by the best intentions and that life sometimes hits us so hard that we have difficulties to follow those intentions. I make no exception to this rule. I started dreaming of a beautiful girl that one day would take my hand and bring me into her world of perfection. But as I said before: at times life is cruel and we are unarmed while dealing with love.

       But before telling you more about my story let me take a step back and speak a bit about why I chose such a weird title for this book. Well as in every tale there is a beautiful girl and there is a charming prince but I’m not a prince and I’m not so charming. Every time I try to do something good it ends up in a total screw-up. No matter how hard I try life always finds a way of putting me back on my knees. What I am trying to say is that after all the effort I have put into finding the girl of my dreams I didn't find her yet. Even if I were to finally find her I am not so sure who is supposed to save who.

"Prologue"
--A. Dreamer