~ Rose Spine ~

Friday, September 15, 2017

45 Months Later

So... Here I am again. Scribbling thought thoughts scattered in my mind. Reaching for something deep inside me.

You may wonder what happened during all this time... Not much has changed in the past 3 years. If anything I have grown older and hopefully wiser?! Who knows.

A few things did change. I have been living with my girlfriend for the past 2 years and we have been travelling the world together just as I imagined it would have been. Life has been very kind in this regard. But not everything is perfect as it may seem. There are other things that have not gone my way. But isn't that what life is supposed to be? A continuous wave of ups and downs.

One of my last posts was a retirement plan where I calculated how much I needed to stop in order to stop worrying about finances and start working on projects that really mattered to me. Well it is still a work in progress but things have gone pretty well in this sector as well. I have an amazing job which I truly love. It motivates me to do better and create new things.

Now you may ask... What happened? Why are you writing after such a long period of time? Well truth is that I don't know. Maybe: - I am kind of settling in and ready to slow down my life a little bit - Just wanted to acknowledge that things do get better with a bit of luck and a lot of hard work - or maybe... I just missed the writing. Nobody really read this blog anyway. I believe I had only one true fan out there. I wonder if she will read this post or if she forgot about the existence of this blog completely.

I intend to continue writing this blog for a very long time. I missed it. I missed knowing that I can saying everything I want without fear of judgement or repercussion for my thoughts.

I will see you soon.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Happy New Year 2014

I always thought that writing a biography is easy. The writer already knows everything. It's easy to be a wise man when you already know the answers. What is really difficult is to create a method, a system; believe in it, trust it to the point that every breath you take is just to see your dream succeed.

You can have talents and use them to your advantage. You can have a charm that convinces people to trust you. You can be part of a family that supports you. But all these assets are nothing without ambition. I admit that I am very often arrogant and cocky. I believe to know everything and that I have an answer for every question. I believe that I have a destiny to fulfill and I believe that I lost my track quite a few times over the years. And then again... I think... maybe losing myself made me realize parts of the world I did not consider before. Maybe if I was born a son of an emperor I would not know how to treat my people in the right way. I needed to feel the suffering and preoccupations that people lived with every day. Maybe if I was a sailor I would not know when and where to stop I would continue sailing thinking that there are better lands to moor..... maybe if I had a girlfriend right now I would take her for granted and not respect her as much as I should.

We are defined by so many little things. I see myself as a liquid in a bottle. The color is grey its turbolent and never stays the same. It mutates with every breath I take, changes colors continuously. Not all changes are for the best but most changes bring us experience. With a bit of subjective analysis we can learn a lot from our mistakes. My grandfather used to say that there are 3 type of people in this world:
Those that learn from the mistakes of others
Those that learn from their own mistakes
... and those that never learn
I believe to be part of the 2nd category. My current job brings me to work using "the trial and error" methods. I need to learn something every day in order to keep up with the requests. Greatness is not achieved in an instant nor is it a birth right. Trying to define it is difficult even for me. It is easier to define what it is not. This method of definition does not work when trying to describe myself. I don't know what I am not a part from the obvious. I don't look like a giraffe... at least not in this world. I know that I am very stubborn, egocentric, romantic and a (beautiful) dreamer.

I would like to add "smart" but then I would have to add a lot more. I will let time and others define me. That's what history is in the end... What others say about you. We have a hard time understanding ourselves how can others understand us at all?

I have been told repeatedly that they don't believe me. I wonder how this all happened. I consistently put efforts towards keeping every phrase I say as close as possible to the truth and to no avail. People would believe everything except the truth.

Why am I writing this blob of nonsense? Well first off.... It's cheaper then therapy. I don't like therapy.. I don't even take pills because I believe they have more side effects than treatments. Our immune system is so fascinating, even it works with trial and error. We were born with a set of incredible attributes, we have developed skills that were unthinkable just a couple of years ago. Everything around us is a complexity of so many variables that we take for granted daily. Someone else thought of them for us and we focus on bits that steal our attention. I remember reading an article a while back where a Korean scientist said "How can people go to sleep without knowing why the wind blows and why the stars shine". Well I am a scientist in a way but I despise the arrogance of science. It is impossible to know everything, even for me! I always wondered if arrogance and envy were actually 2 very noble qualities. Both promote competition and evolution. Without them we would not want more. Seeing someone with a bigger and nicer car might instigate the need to have something even greater therefore we push ourselves to do more and more. I am not an envious person but I overcome that shortage with arrogance.

I have been told by the 25th women in my life that I am their friend and that they don't want to ruin our friendship. Funny thing is that I don't have friends and I don't want friends. I have lost my real friends multiple times over the years. Cons of changing 3 countries in my life. I sometimes regret it with all my heart and then I realize that without experience and knowledge I was just in the bliss of ignorance. I believe that I am a better men because I had more experience than others. Here I am arrogant once more. I am sure that mostly everyone who will read this paragraph will disagree with at least half of the things I had to say tonight. Well fear not... thinking that I am right does not make me right.

We believe that we have only 5 senses, I am sure we have at least 5000. Yes they might not be as evolved and defined as the main 5 but we can sense when someone is in the same room as us. We can feel other people's feeling without looking at them. All I know is that we are machines of wonder. We antagonize ourselves by following rules that do not apply to our world. Love, respect, adoration are all good feelings but they bring different emotions based on the subject. I came to believe that we should not desire what others desire and that failure is never ultimate. We are the unique and perfect. If you were to see 20 people in a contest where the competitors have to break a wall made of bricks with their foreheads would you join? Would you insist and desire to be the best? "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." the quote from the Princess Bride is appropriate. If everything is pain why bother doing what does not give you pleasure. Why insist on having your heart broken by people who believe to be good and not realize that they stomping on piece of your heart? Do something you enjoy and be happy doing it. An iPhone or a good girlfriend did not bring me eternal happiness. Walking in the rain does... every single time :)

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

¸¸.•¨•♫♪ Melody : Need You Now

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore.

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me it happens all the time.

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without.
I just need you now.

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me it happens all the time.

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without.
I just need you now.

Oh, whoa
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without.
I just need you now
I just need you now.
Oh, baby, I need you now.

Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

Sunday, November 17, 2013

The when, the where, the who are irrelevant

the only variable is

You

Saturday, November 2, 2013

I don't know how to spit this out without making it sound weird or better weird-er than usual. Since my love life is nonexistant I needed a different goal. What better goal than to retire and do what you like?! I remember that in my gaming days I used to think how awesome it would be to play all my life without a worry in the world. So here is my plan and estimates! This is what I need to live & play 40 years.

Internet Connection	100$ / month
Food	400$ / month
Rent	600$ / month
New Computer	83$ / month
Bills	200$ / month
Pocket Money	200$ / month
Total	18996$ / Year
40 Years	759840$ / Year
4% Investment	475000$ = 18996$ / Year